Liam Payne’s sister reflects on ‘paralysing’ pain on first death anniversary

Liam Payne’s sister, Ruth, has shared a deeply emotional tribute to her late brother on the first anniversary of his passing, expressing that she feels “paralysed by grief” since losing him.

The One Direction star tragically died last October at the age of 31 after falling from the balcony of his third-floor hotel room in Buenos Aires, Argentina. 

A year later, Ruth opened up about her heartbreak in a moving open letter, reflecting on the pain that continues to shape her every day.

“I underestimated grief, woah, did I underestimate it. I am paralysed by it daily,” she wrote, as per The Sun.

“I thought I had felt it before but I know the losses before you were just intense sadness, you are the loss of my life, the one person who I will miss at every single occasion in my life. I’d taken for granted that my little brother would be there through life. You shouldn’t have died.”

Ruth described being haunted by a recurring nightmare that places her back in Liam’s hotel room in his final moments. 

“You can’t hear me screaming for you, my brain is locked on your last minutes on this earth, the unaccounted minutes, the minutes I will never have the answers to, the minutes that changed everything,” she shared.

The pain, she said, has left the Payne family feeling “extinguished” and “impossible to mend.” She went on to explain that his absence affects her before each day even begins. 

“You died which is something that happened, but your absence is something that happens to me everyday before I even open my eyes.”

In heartbreaking detail, Ruth shared what she would do if she could have just five more minutes with him, from catching up on their plans and sharing jokes to simply listening to the birds together. 

“I’d tell you how proud I am of you, not just proud of your job, proud of the person you are, we’d leave on the ‘love you mate’ and as I drove away, you would be stood waving in my rearview mirror,” she wrote.

She ended her message by reminding others that behind the headlines and public attention, there is a family still mourning. 

“Whilst I am still on my knees struggling to regain balance since my world burned down and every time I try to take a step, something comes and sets fire to all the progress I thought I had made… everyone only seems interested in the public side of this,” Ruth said. 

“Some sadly seem more interested in the fame they can gain off this, but on the human side people need to remember when they speak, there is a son without his Dad, parents without their child and I am lost without my brother. Love always Liam, in every lifetime.”

Ruth keeps expressing grief on social media too. 

Liam’s other sister, Nicola, also shared a message of her own, describing the day he died as “the day our lives were changed forever and our hearts were left broken, with pieces missing.” 

She reflected on the difficulty of facing even a fraction of the public scrutiny her brother endured, calling it “unbearable.”

Nicola, who is mum to Liam’s niece Ffion, promised to keep his memory alive for his son Bear, whom he shared with Cheryl Tweedy. 

“We will ensure Bear knows everything about the amazing daddy he has, not just your achievements and success over the years, but all of the things that made you you,” she wrote.

Holding on to the belief that Liam is still watching over them, she added, “Sometimes I find comfort in believing you can see the things I want to share with you, but other times it breaks my heart that we can no longer hear about your life or tell you about ours.”