Adam Sandler received a Career Achievement Award at the AARP Movies for Grownups Awards on Saturday, which he accepted with self-deprecating humour.
As the actor, 59, took the stage, he delivered a list of “10 reasons” he believes he is, in his words, “f****** old.”
He leaned into exaggerated jokes about aging, physical changes, and everyday inconveniences. “Number one, the other day, I had to swallow a Viagra just to take a piss,” Sandler quipped onstage while accepting the award. “And of course I had to call my doctor because of piss lasting for more than four hours.” Among his remarks, Sandler also joked about the noises his body makes when he sits down and how food no longer tastes the way it used to. “When I sit down, it sounds like a semi-truck driving over a family of lobsters cracking their knuckles and eating Pop Rocks,” he continued.
“Number three, my tongue only has one taste bud left. Everything I eat now tastes like oatmeal, except oatmeal, which tastes like Vaseline.” He also poked fun at his reliance on oversized text fonts, hygiene products he never expected to use, and the general wear and tear that comes with age. Other quips focused on social realities, including attending high school reunions where conversations are dominated by bad news, and noticing strange changes in his appearance, from mismatched toenails to sagging body parts. Sandler capped off the list by admitting he struggles to stay awake while watching awards screeners, despite enthusiastically starting dozens of films.
The routine drew consistent laughter from the audience. After the jokes, Adam Sandler shifted to a more sincere note and thanked fellow artists in the room. “To every one of you fellow artists out there who are getting all the accolades, I must say I loved the first 30 seconds of all of your movies,” he said. He closed by promising that retirement is not on his radar, saying he intends to keep making movies for decades to come. “I don’t know how much time I have left: 60, 70 years, 80 tops, maybe 90 if I start working out and taking creatine,” he said.
“But I promise to every one of you here tonight, I will make at least 50 more movies before I am dead, and at least 25 of them will be good.”
