One night during bedtime, I caught myself skipping parts of a story while reading to my three-year-old son. Not enough for him to notice—just trimming a few sentences, moving things along a little faster. I told myself it was okay. It was late. Everyone was tired.
But the real reason was simple: I wanted to finish bedtime so I could sit down and go over our finances. Bills, numbers, plans—those things don’t leave your head until you face them.
My son didn’t complain. He listened quietly and turned the pages when I asked. That somehow made it worse. I was there, reading the words, but my mind was already somewhere else.
He fell asleep happy. The night wasn’t ruined. Still, guilt crept in. I only get so many bedtime stories, and I rushed one so I could deal with adult responsibilities.
As I closed his door, everything came flooding back. I forgot to mow the lawn during my lunch break as I promised myself I would. The laundry was still sitting wet in the washer. The dog wouldn’t get his walk tonight. Great.
That’s what the mental load looks like for me. Not falling apart or failing in some dramatic way—just quietly cutting corners because too many things are competing for attention at once.
The Invisible Weight Many Fathers Carry:
A recent survey of U.S. parents put numbers to feelings many dads already recognize. Nearly three-quarters of men said parenting affects their job or career. More than a third admitted they worry about their child’s safety or future. About one in three said they feel burned out, emotionally exhausted, or overwhelmed by constant decision-making.
Many also said they feel pressure to be a “perfect” parent, worry about their child’s mental health, or struggle with guilt and self-doubt. A significant number said they have trouble setting boundaries or taking time for themselves.
When I read those statistics, I didn’t feel surprised. I felt understood.
There’s a joke I once heard that the middle stage of life is the most thankless. When you’re young, people forgive mistakes—you’re still figuring things out. When you’re older, there’s respect and patience. But in the middle? You’re expected to have it all handled. A job, a family, responsibilities. No excuses.
Read More: Key highlights of Pakistan Economic Survey 2024-25
In my twenties, I had time for long workouts and late nights. Now, I squeeze in exercise when I can find 15 spare minutes—and sometimes even that feels like too much effort. Not just because of time, but because switching out of “dad mode” and back again feels exhausting.
I also think about my own dad falling asleep on the couch after work, dinner, and listening to me talk nonstop. I used to laugh and think that would never be me.
Well… here I am.
After a full day of work and several more hours of being fully present as a parent, I’m drained too. That quiet exhaustion lines up with the survey, which found that many parents feel strain in their relationships, feel isolated, or feel like they’ve lost part of their identity.
When things feel overwhelming, I try to remind myself: the lawn that needs mowing belongs to a house my kids get to play in. The sink full of dishes exists because we shared a meal, and everyone is going to bed full.
I’m lucky to have a supportive wife who can see when I’m worn down before I say a word. She encourages me to rest without making it a big deal. I hope I do the same for her—though she’d probably be the better judge of that.
And honestly, I don’t know how single parents manage it all. If I sometimes feel stretched thin, their strength feels nothing short of remarkable.
Dads Work Hard, But Moms Carry a Different Load
My wife and I talk often about how parenting affects us, and the mental load she carries looks different from mine. The survey reflected what I already see at home.
Many women said they feel overwhelmed daily or several times a week. Half said that when something goes wrong, the family expects them to fix it. Nearly half said they feel pressure to do everything and meet impossible expectations.
That didn’t surprise me. Even in a household where both parents are involved, she often notices things before anyone else does—appointments, shoes that no longer fit, supplies running low, and countless small details that keep our lives running smoothly.
Every family is different, and this isn’t about assigning blame or defending roles. Mothers and fathers carry the mental load in different ways.
What matters is recognizing when your tank is running empty—and asking for support before it shows.
Because partners notice. Kids notice. Even when you don’t say a word.
